Truth and Time

Monica asked me the other day, “It is better to love and lost, than to never loved at all. True or false?"

It's been my experience that:
It’s better to have loved, lost, and recovered well, than to never have loved at all.

There is so much emphasis on finding love, garnering love, nurturing love, and keeping love, that not enough time is devoted to recovering from love.

If you think about it, Recovering from the lost of something so precious as love, defines us just as much as the forming and finding of it. Most of the evils done to the other gender, are done when one is in between loves. Recovering well creates a foundation of a new you. Everyone who's been devastated by love ends up being a new person, some for better, some for horror stories on dating blogs. Recovering well requires two things, Truth and Time.

Truth from who's love you've lost and honesty from yourself, in other words closure. But I choose not to use closure because you can have closure on falsehoods, maybe when the other person minces words, lies about the reason why it all ended for ease of escape, or tries to 'let you down easy'. Without truth, you'll have nothing but emotional hemophilia, never fully stopping the bleeding.

Time is self explanatory. There are rules of thumbs, everything from half the time you've been together to a specific number of full moons. But the Honesty of information will speed up the recovery process. Just remember that time is a friend and use it to make you the best you that you can become. Remember, no wine can be enjoyed before it's time.

At times the Truth will hurt, most times it's confusing, but all of the Time it is vital. Recover well, and less important (but good if it happens) recover fast. There's plenty of life and love out there, enough for multiple lifetimes.

What's In Store For The Snake in '09

Snakes are the Ox’s best friends and vice versa. You are both slow and deliberate and your energies similar. So this coming Ox year for Snakes will be beneficial, productive and personally valuable. You will be back in your native groove and enjoying the type of languid mood in which you always concoct your best schemes and are able to carry off projects that needed finishing or topping up. Last year really slowed your progress to a slithery crawl. But the Ox appreciates your quiet sense of esthetics and is always there to help you realize your dreams. Love is back too. You’ll be feeling more romantically intense than you have been in awhile. Reason? Some of your money and chronic health troubles are behind you. Do remember though that the Ox is a demanding old character and does not tolerate a lazybones. One has to show a willingness and an ability to labor under duress in Ox years and even though the Ox favors you and considers you his pet, you will still have to put your pretty little nose to the grindstone and get cracking on projects and problems left undone in previous (less benevolent) years.


Petty health issues will no doubt preoccupy you this year. Skin ailments (which are your most common complaint) may return in more pernicious forms. Keep your eyes peeled for moles that change color and/or painful reddish spots that appear out of nowhere. The former usually need to be removed immediately by a dermatologist. The latter - the red patches - could be heralding a spate of shingles which needs urgently to be treated with anti-virals by a medical specialist. Both are manageable, but must be dealt with post haste.


If a bird flies into your house, do you panic and think someone will die? If you step on a crack do you still believe your will break your mother's back? If you break a mirror, are you certain you will have to endure seven years bad luck? If you reply is yes to any of the above, then you are afflicted with superstition. Of course it isn't terminal and cannot be treated with antivirals or antibiotics. But an excess of superstition often besieges the psyches of Snake people and causes them excessive worry. You are given to other worldly experiences. Sometimes you actually know about things before they happen. This year that quality may spook you and make you more fidgety than usual. Snakes need a spiritual outlet. When they don't have one, their subconscious works overtime. This year, get your mojo working in some sort of spiritual way - religion, metaphysics, mediation or chanting etc. - just so your conscious mind can focus on making a living.


The Ox wants to see you happy. He or she is your best friend and biggest booster. You're on the same wave length. But you are more beautiful. Oxen are more useful. If you must fall in love this year, you might want to choose an Ox partner. Oxen are going places for the next 12 years. An Ox spouse would be an real asset for a luxury hungry Snake person.



Find yours here

Seoul Snow Globe

A curious thing is happened here on this chilly and somber Seoul morning. It Snowed. Upwards...and sideways... in all directions but down. Thousands of big frosty flakes floated upwards outside my window. As if they thought they were little white hexalyndrical-shaped balloons to rise up, instead of frozen water meant to come blanketing down on the earth. Is it then more apropriate to call it snowrise instead of snowfall? A curious thing it is, to see curtains of snow rain upwards instead of down.

One snowflake, much larger than the others, seemed as though it was riding an invisible elevator up, stopping suddenly right in front of me, as if to look at me through my window and ask "Going up?" Then, when recieving no response from me, she continued on her way, disappearing upwards, into the dizzying traffic jam of snow.

I'm glad I'm staying inside today...

All That's Good Is Dead

We've gone and done it. The Olympics have come to Beijing and has killed one of the greatest things about China. No tipping.

3 years ago, tipping was uncustomary, and while I did not arrive at the dawn of the westernization of Beijing, I was not so far off. Tipping was still in the dark. Some people did it, but not most. Most of the wait staff did not expect it, nor did the look forward to it. Fast forward to last Sunday when I checked into the Hilton in Beijing. It's wasn't an unusual check in, pretty normal to say the least. Here's how it went down.

I signed for the room, the bellman said that the bags will be up promptly. Getting to my room and kicking off my shoes, the bellboy rings the door and I open to let him in. He puts my bags where they're supposed to go and I say thank you.

He smiles and stands in the hallway.

I thank him again, giving him an index-fingered salute and a nod.

"Is there anything else I can show you about your room? Do you need directions?" He says.

"Nope, no thanks." Now turning my back to him.

He then smiles politely again and says "OK, I will be going then."

"Have a good night" I reply

Out of the reflection of the window I see him slowly backing out. One step at a time, emphasizing the silence in the room.

Caley, who's in the room and has been fiddling with my cellphone trying to activate my SIM chip, confirms what I saw, and when the guy finally leaves the room, we both laugh.


Call me what you may, call me a cheapskate if you want to. I've had this discussion with expats over and over again, but I can't seem to get it through their thick skulls. It's more than just money. It's about tradition. It's about culture. A culture who's more than willing to bend over backwards to work. To be happy and proud to do their jobs. It's about respecting that culture by not making whores of the workforce.

People try to justify tipping as a bonus, a reward for service well performed. But in all honesty, is it? Was the bellboy exemplary? Did the waitress make the food taste better? In most cases, no.

I believe that tipping is a personal issue. People do it for personal validation. Sometimes it's a justification for whatever abuse you give the recipient. "I always tip" "I always tip well" or "I always tip at least 15%" What does that say about the recipient, or the service? Nothing. It simply states that the tipper has declined to engage in congnative endeavors to think about what they're doing. They think they're making an impression on the people they tip. They are. Waiters and waitresses NEVER think, "Mr. so-and-so is such a great tipper, he must really be successful" And if they're not saying that, you can't really believe anything they say because, in fact, they're only saying it because the tipper paid them to say it. It's a purchased compliment.

So back to China. Back to Westerners forcing their tipping ways onto the Chinese culture. You may not think it, but tipping is another way of making whores out of the Chinese people. No one in their right minds will turn down money. But they never used to look for a handout either.

Obama Obiden 08

For 42 minutes tonight I sat glued to my TV. Inspired and in awe, for the first time, I really believe. There was so much hope, so much anticipation, so many eager believers in the crowd. I found myself smiling and nodding too. And at one point, he turned and looked and pointed directly at me. Ho.Ly.Shit. He was so good that I was waiting for the pop, then the screams, the crowd desperately scattering, then the announcer with one finger in his ear, screaming into the microphone. But it never came. No assassination was attempted. And while most of me was happy, a part of me thought I was going to witness the JFK of my generation. Who knows, maybe he will be.

Sometimes you believe in the man, other times you don't believe in the opponent. I think for this election, I'm both. Change. We need it. I believe.